March has been a hell of a month.
And I knew I would drag on this post. Not because it seems my M.O. for the challenges.
It’s the subject: PEACE
The last four months have been a world wind of thoughts, emotions, dreams, situations, and realizations. People came into my life and left quicker than my mobile provider changes their policies. Peace has been something I’ve tried to blend into my life more than ever. To say I’ve felt overwhelmed is a gross understatement. I even started to mediate. I’ve done it for long enough to see its benefits. I’m working on carrying those blissful moments into my daily interactions.
When I read this month’s challenge I knew it was time handle one of my obstacles to peace. I need to forgive someone. Actually I’m in the process of forgiveness. It’s taken longer than I’d like but, I’m not angry anymore. Now I laugh at some things I used to roll my eyes at. The “looking phase” is easing on down the road. You know when you check to see if someone’s reached out to you. I’ve listened to music, done some personal writing, and some designing. But I know there is a piece of hurt that needs a nudge out of the corner of my heart. I might stumble, but I’ll keep walking towards peace one shaky foot at a time 🙂 So here goes…
I’ve contacted you as best I could. I’ve gotten an ill tasting silence that’s become the norm. I don’t want to get used to that. When I’ve struggled to understand your life enough to grant me patience; God made sure I went through my own version of hell. I’m slowly getting it. And I forgive you more and more each day. I work on forgiving myself for expecting…what did I expect? I dunno, too much maybe. You probably don’t think there’s anything you need forgiveness for. On one hand you’re right. On the other…sigh…the situation is what it is.
If I really thought about it, fragile hearts and troubled souls trying to make things happen was a no no. Maybe I was ill equipped to be the friend you needed. I apologize if I failed you in anyway. I really do wish you all the love, passion, success, beauty, and joy this life has to offer. So keep reaching for it…it’s waiting for you.
Don’t worry about the “I love you” stuff. I meant it, but I’m not gonna hold it over your head. Honest. I don’t regret any of it.