Smells Like A Teenage Nightmare

I don’t know what it is about the last year of a decade of life. At 9, “M*A*S*H ended. I was a sappy kid (not much has changed). I wanted to cry when I heard the theme song. I truly loved that show. It was part of a nightly ritual for me. Nineteen, twenty-nine, and thirty-nine were and are a delicious pot of hot ass mess and blessed revelations.

I know we’re all equipped with this handy little thing called intuition. And like many of you, I ignored it when it hinted at things I wanted to ignore. The beginning goes, girl’s supposed to meet one boy for platonic reasons. At least to my knowledge it was. Girl see’s hook-up boy’s friend. Girl pursues the friend.

We didn’t necessarily get hook-up boy’s blessing. The friend who was also 19, became my boyfriend—his idea—in all of what, maybe 12 hours. Yeah we didn’t waste anytime. He wasn’t like the others (of course not). We had a shared interest in the arts and spent hours on the phone reciting verses we’d written. He sang to me. Insert swoon. And that boy could sang. I mean tear your heart out of your chest sang.

“I hope my premonition misses. But what I really feel, my eyes won’t let me hide.”

He was romantic and a great kisser. I was stupidly in love and had temporarily lost my interrogation skills. I didn’t start to feel anything was wrong until boyfriend got sick. He was apparently so bad off, he couldn’t be on the phone. At this time, hook-up boy called me with some he-said drama. Basically boyfriend didn’t really want to be my boyfriend anymore because I wasn’t his type of girl. You know that whole I like you but I’m not secure enough for everyone else to know I like you spiel.


I confronted boyfriend. Well, I tried to but his mom played commander general and would not under any circumstances allow me to speak to him. A good amount of time (a few days) passed and I still hadn’t heard from boyfriend. I was standing in front of my bedroom window. It was a partly cloudy and oddly bright day. A little cool for the summer. The radio was on in the living room. Jodeci’s version of “Lately” came on. I heard the piano keys and my heart dropped. The words shuffled down the hall, turned the corner and crept into my room. I didn’t need boyfriend to ever call me again.

Tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. I felt every drop of emotion poured into the lyrics. Everything came rushing at me. Little things. They way we spent time together at either my house or his, not out doing stuff. More importantly I couldn’t avoid what danced around us from the first day when I told him I liked him. He had this look like he was kinda intrigued. I guess I was something new to experience.

After that day, I stopped trying to contact him.

Two months later, I ran into him at college. He looked surprisingly happy to see me. I was having a cap and ponytail day so I didn’t feel my best. Isn’t it funny how you run into people when you’re not looking hot? He gave me a long hug and a kiss near my ear. I pulled away first. I didn’t want to get lost in his arms as I had before. There was a different look in his eyes that time. I couldn’t read it. I didn’t want to. If there was anything to know. He’d have to tell me.

He never did.


Go on now,  get to writing a post a day for the month of November. You can do it! And don’t forget to read and comment on posts from the gang at Rarasaur’s NanoPoblanoBlogHer’s NaBloPoMo@yeahwrite & NaBloPoMo Headquarters at BlogHer.


6 thoughts on “Smells Like A Teenage Nightmare

  1. I can’t imagine things ending without any resolution– how frustrating that must be for you! Luckily, though, you avoided someone who didn’t have your strength… so for that, I’ll thank the luckiest stars and hope they send someone worthy your way!!

    1. It’s been kind of a pattern, things ending without a resolution. I’m not used to it but I’m not surprised by it either. I tell myself they probably wouldn’t say anything that would make things better.
      Maybe your hopes will get the attention of those lucky stars 😉 It would be nice.

    1. When it happened, I didn’t know when the pain would go away. Now twenty years later I shake my head at the whole thing. I don’t cry when I hear the song. I’m relived that I can just listen to it and remember to trust my instincts. Intuition is a terrible thing to waste.
      Thank you for the complement although I know I have my good days and bad days. I like to believe I deserve better as well.

Watcha Say Now?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s