I must have known something was coming. Good thing I wrote most of this post before my birthday. Maybe I should have posted it then as well?
Lately I’ve been on a certain vibe. My physical hasn’t changed much but my insides are going through a major renovation. When I turned 30, I lost my job and my apartment on the same day. Not long after that I moved from New York; a place I thought was my “forever home”. Going from the lullabies of sirens and neighbors yelling to crickets and neighbors…OK maybe some things weren’t as much of an adjustment as others. Add to that other major life events that seemed to scream “welcome to 30 sucka”. It was all quite dramatic for me. Every last one of my friends who turned 30 went through some major changes as well. With slight trepidation I was really looking forward to leaving my thirties behind me.
This year, tragedy and drama highlighted my turning the big four ohh. It shows no sign of letting up. So far, it’s not mine. However loving people they way I love the ones that are going through recent troubles, I’m hurting along with them. I am handling the emotional tides differently than I have in the past. Sometimes I feel stronger than I ever had but I have to take care not to burn out as a good friend recently told me.
I had good reasons for not writing this. I was tired. I had a headache. It wasn’t my birthday anymore. In the past, I would let my writing fade in the dust of the upheaval of my emotional life. I can’t allow that to happen. My therapy, choosing to write to you while Marc Anthony lifts my spirits. So although this may not read like a very happy birthday message, for me it is. I’m encouraging myself to live—not simply exist—in this whirlwind of life happening around me. I almost feel a guilty for being in a good mood. But if I don’t allow myself these moments of happiness, I’m no good to the people who rely on my support.
And so through all the changes my beautiful constant has been music. It cries my tears, gives my ghosts a voice. Music sits beside me and listens when so one else can or will. It holds me and rocks the blues out of my unrequited dreams…I loves my music. Y’all know this. And there are but so many posts that I’ll let slide without a lyrical reference. I think you’re used to it by now. If you’re not, you will be 😉 So my lovely audience I give you my (mini and belated) Birthday Playlist.
///I’LL BE CELEBRATING ALL YEAR FOLKS\\\
Or At Least Trying To!
[Featured Image: Photo by Gloria Hood for GLORIOUS METTLE. Demi Lovato performing at River Stage at Great Plaza in Philadelphia, PA summer 2013.]